August 03, 2010

D-Bag O' the Day (v. 1.13)—
No Free Lunch in Wisconsin

Sometimes, there's just too much stupid.

It was certainly the case last March in the Milwaukee suburb of Shorewood, when a 15 year-old student was arrested and charged with theft for ... wait for it ... sharing his lunch!

According to local Fox TV news report:

Adam [Hernandez] was accused of stealing chicken nuggets from a $2.60 meal.  Those are the nuggets his friend, Gakaree Garner, gave to him.  Garner says, "Although that month I was fasting so I couldn't eat meat, and we had chicken nuggets that day."

Garner gave the nuggets to Adam, who got in the lunch line to get some sauce for them. According to Garner and the police report the cafeteria cashier told the Assistant Principal Adam stole the chicken nuggets.  The Assistant Principal then told the police officer in the school, who called a squad car.  Garner says, "They actually put him in handcuffs, and actually tried to force him into the car."
The charge of misdemeanor theft carried a possible $170 fine for sharing a $2.60 meal.  Thankfully, the theft charges were later dismissed prior to trial, probably because of adverse publicity over the case.

So, here's a fine cast of characters competing for the coveted D-Bag O' the Day nod:
  • The school cafeteria cashier who reported the "theft".
  • The assistant high school principal who called the police.
  • The police officer who arrested Hernandez, wrote the citation, and apparently at least tried to take him into custody.
  • The district attorney, for not dismissing the charges as soon as s/he saw the police report.
  • The USDA bureaucrats for writing federal anti-fraud regulations so vague or overbroad they could be read to prohibit kids from sharing or trading food at lunch.
Seriously, anyone in this chain could have used some common sense and prevented the escalating series of harebrained decisions.  Instead, a schoolkid got trapped in what reads like a weird Ray Bradbury-esque satire on bureaucratic stupidity

At least the federal government hasn't sued Hernandez for its $2.60, plus penalties and attorney fees.  Yet.

A felony on a plate.

(Hat tip to Neatorama for story; image from Grub Street).

August 01, 2010

A Trip to Pleasure Island

Have you ever had one of those sessions where you are playing bad and know it, yet you find yourself continuing to play, and play poorly? Well, last night I played the starring role in Donkeys at the Meadows.

I played for about four hours at the Meadows ATM (where I also encountered one of their idiosnycratic house rules), after a nice dinner at the Raccoon River Brew Pub with the sig other and some of his gal pals who were visiting from out of town.  The room was pretty quiet for a Saturday night during race season: there was no $2/5 NLHE or $5/5 PL mix game, so I'm not certain where the "big game" degenerates were playing.  At 8:00 pm, there were only two $1/2 NLHE games and two short-handed $3/6 LHE games running, though another table or two opened up as the racing wound down. 

The table had a pretty fun vibe, and there were weird hands galore.  The strangest run of variance was for one guy who laid down quads on back-to-back hands.  Well, he laid down hands that would have become quads had he stayed in.  The first hand he held 88 on a 7-7-5 board, but gave it up after a raise and reraise, only to see the board roll out 8-8.   The very next hand, he folded A4s to a big preflop raise and reraise, only to see the board run out 4-A-4-4-x.  I took a big hit on my second hand when my AKo ran into Q3 soooted on a board of K-Q-3-A-3.  Blech.  But I built my stack back up on the fifth hand, when my sooooted Spanish Inquisition (6-3, a much stronger hand than Q3, obviously), outran AhKh on a board of 6h-4h-2d-3x-6x.   Hilarity ensued!  I also helped the cause with a couple of good reads to pick off bluffs, but got stacked when my QQ ran into AK and the A flopped.  Le sigh.

At that point, I began my Pleasure Island conversion into a total donkey.  For those of you who aren't old enough to remember the Disney version of Pinocchio, there is a part of the film where boys are lured to a place called "Pleasure Island" where rules didn't apply to them, and they could drink, smoke, gamble, and generally "make jackasses of themselves".  Of course, as in all good morality tales, these boys became cursed, by literally transforming into donkeys who are sold off by the evil lord of the Island to work in salt mines. 


My problems began with an inability to figure out the right approach to the table.  There was a weird mix of short and deep stacks, and differences in styles of play.  For some reason, I ended up shifting into a too-passive mode of play, finding myself getting into pots with decent starting hands, then having to abandon ship when either a tight player made a big bet/raise, or a deep player showed too much interest in a pot.  I did manage to pull off one nice bluff by check-calling the flop and turn with AQ unimproved, then value-bet bluffing the river based solely on a correct read of an unimproved overpair to the flop that got scared of two overs hitting the turn and river.  Of course, I lied and told the guy I had called with overs and paired my Yak on the turn, which seemed to annoy him (which pleased me).

Unfortunately, that play was the exception for my skillz.  In addition to letting myself get bled to death by not tightening up in early position—Position? We don't need no stinking position!—I ended up gacking off my stack with a semi-bluff on the turn with KJs, having picked up a gutshot straight draw to go with my flopped flush draw.  I got called by a turned set of Queens (ouch!), and bricked the river.  Doh!  Apparently, my instinct to check-raise the flop was correct.  Aggression?  We don't need no stinking aggression!  My next stack-off was even more brainlocked, shoving with AQ on a Q-high flop ... into bottom set and a flopped straight.  Error!  Big pot?  We don't need no stinking big hand!  At that point, I knew I was mentally not on my game, so I called it a night.

I still had an hour or so to kill before picking up the gals from the bars, so I wandered down to the casino floor to see if my buddy Brian was playing craps.  Brian wasn't around, but I was bored, so I sat down at the $25 blackjack table, something I hadn't played in months.*  I ended up getting blessed by the blackjack gods, and was able to win my poker buy-ins back plus a nice buy-in profit on top!  My biggest hand was a $100 bet where I was dealt 88 against the dealer's 5.  I split it out, and my first hand found a 3, which I doubled, and hit a 10!  Yahtzee!  My next 8 found another brother 8, so I split again.  The second 8 drew a 10.  The third 8 found another 3, I doubled again, and again drew a 10!  Donkey Kong!  The dealer showed 15 total, and busted on one card, bringing cosmic balance to the Force.  As I told the very attractive female dealer, "If I weren't gay and married, I would totally kiss you."  Since I was sober, I cashed out before I became like the drunk wedding party guy at my table, who was "riding the wave" and blew through his $500 buy-in, the $5,000 in profits he had amassed while surfing with variance, and $2,000 more from his wallet before going under for good.

So, the moral of the story is, "It's OK to gamble if you're already a donkey."


----------------------------------------------------------

 *  I probably play blackjack or craps 4-5 times a year.  Two waitresses and the cage gal, who all work some shifts in the poker room, each asked me, "What are you doing down here?"  So, I figure I'll know I have a gambling problem as soon as I'm on a first name basis with any of the folks on the casino floor!

Stupid Poker Rules—
Capped Bets in No Limit Games

Tonight I played a session (badly) at the Meadows ATM (full report of my ineptitude to be posted later).  I ran into a weird situation which I have seen on occasion—a "capped" bet in a no limit game, without any player being all-in.  That's right, a supposed "no limit" game actually had limited betting.  Let me explain.

I had been at the table a couple of hours when two regulars sat down.  Somehow, this precipitated a bunch of straddling and blind raises, culminating in one ridiculous hand.  UTG straddles to $4, and UTG+1 decides to make a joke blind-raise to $6.  So, one of the newbies to the table decides to make it $8 to go, also blind.  Then, another regular, known for uber-tight play, decides to make it $30 total, again blind!  Now, I'm in the cutoff, but I'm essentially acting in early position preflop, hoping to pick up a hand.  Unfortunately, I have some trash like 93o, and fold 

That's when the stupid rule comes into play.  The button looks at his hand and says, "raise".  The dealer politely informs the button that he cannot raise, because the hand is capped.  The house rule of one bet and four raises, except for action that begins heads up during a round, applies to no limit as well as limit structured games.  So, the button calls, as does basically every player left, and six (6!) players see the flop of K-T-6.  One of the early position players bets, folds to the button who wistfully shows me Yaks before folding.  The monsterpotten ends up being won by AT when he rivers a Ten for trips.

Although I have seen this capped betting rule enforced previously, I think the rule simply doesn't belong in no limit play.  Essentially, this rule deprives players who have not yet acted in a betting round of their right to act on their hand with a raise to any amount (up to their stack).  The whole point of no limit play is to be able to size one's bets to the given situation, but this rule acts to give players in early position a "heckler's veto" (or joker's veto) over a late position player's right to act on his hand, when he hasn't yet had any opportunity to raise.  In theory, a group of five players could transform a supposedly no limit game into a fixed limit game with a maximum bet of five big blinds per round.  Although this situation is exceedlingly rare, in this particular hand it cost a player a shot at winning with a strong hand—Yaks on the button—in favor of hands that would never have seen the flop if there truly were no limit to the betting structure for players who had not yet acted in a round of betting.

The cap on bets per round is another limit structure concept—like the "half bet" raise rule, where a raise all-in of half or more of the pending raise reopens all betting to further raises—that really has no place being applied to no limit structured games.  It's time to either ditch the capped bet rule in no limit structured games, or to stop pretending that there is no limit on the structure, and just go back to limit stuctured games.


July 30, 2010

Friday Fun (v.1.11)—Physics Fun

An all-science Friday Fun this week.  Let's hear it for our geeky friends in the lab!

* * * * *

First off is a cool video of a lightning strike, filmed at 9000 frames/second (hat tip The Daily Wh.at).  This video captured lightning strikes over Rapid City, South Dakota, and is equivalent to one second of real time (well, except for all my readers who are traveling near the speed of light relative to my frame of reference):




* * * * *

Neatorama.com passed along a report that scientists have measured the smallest unit of time so far—20 attoseconds.  What's an attosecond, you wonder?  Well, Neatorama helpfully tells us:

An attosecond is one quintillionth of a second.
Oh, that clears it up for me.  Anyway, the measurement was performed to discover the amount of time it took electrons to move after being struck by a photon.  Seriously, where are all the particle rights activists, and why are they allowing this lepton abuse to occur?  Are electrons just not as cuddly as the baryons?  Are the particle protestors all too busy enjoying their Swiss vacation as they protest hadron abuse in the CERN facility? 

In any event, if scientists want to conduct humane experiments about short time periods, they need only follow Phil Hellmuth in a poker tournament.  There is nothing faster than the "Hellmuth two-pawed insta-call" when he thinks he has trapped an opponent, except perhaps for the period of time between when Hellmuth's opponent reveals he has, in fact, actually trapped Hellmuth, and the beginning of Hellmuth's whining rant.

* * * * *

Finally, ever wonder what would happen if a flamethrower went up against a fire extinguisher (especially when death is on the line)?  Here's the answer, in a video for "Ritalin" by Dancing Pigeons (hat tip Neatorama.com):


Dancing Pigeons - Ritalin from Blink on Vimeo.

July 29, 2010

"Bad Actors" & Bad Acting—Why Online Poker Legalization Is a Real Threat to Established Sites

As the dust settles from yesterday's House committee approval of Rep. Barney Frank's online gaming bill (HR 2267), the questions on many poker players' minds are:  "What about Full Tilt?  What about PokerStars?"  These questions arise from two "bad actor" amendments tacked on to the bill during the markup process, which purport to prohibit from qualifying for licensing those online gaming sites which have illegally operated in the United States since passage of the UIGEA.  There is a wide range of opinions on the issue, with PokerStars voicing support for the bill while asserting that nothing in the bill threatens its operations, while Gambling911 reports a strong possibility that current online sites might be shut out:  “ 'No one who took a bet or wager on or after the enactment of the Unlawful Internet Gaming Enforcement Act (UIGEA) in 2006, processed payments, or received "assistance" can be licensed'. ” (quoting Joe Brennan, Jr. of iMEGA). 

The PPA and their friends at PokerStars, Full Tilt, and Ultimate Bet might be acting confident and unconcerned, but given the language of the bill, the old poker adage, "strong means weak" comes to mind.  Why?  Well, as my law school tax professor repeatedly told us, "The first rule of statutory construction is:  'Read!' "  So let's take a look at the bill and amendments, and see what they say about this issue.  Here's the relevant text from the original bill:



Now, here's the language from the Rep. Sherman Amendment No. 2, which is to be added to the end of the above section (ignore the bullet points—Blogger hates indenting):

"(E) fails to certify in writing, under penalty of perjury, that the applicant or other such person, and all affiliated business entities, has through its entire history:
  • "(i) not committed an intentional felony violation of Federal or State gambling laws; and  
  • "(ii) has used due diligence to prevent any U.S. person from placing a bet on an internet site in violation of Federal or State gambling laws.  
"All entities under common control shall be considered affiliated business entities for the purpose of this subparagraph."

Next we must look at the language of the Rep. Bachus-Bachmann Amendment No. 15, adopted after Amendment No. 2, implying it will take priority in any substantive difference in their terms (again, ignore the bullet points):
"(E) has, on or after the date of the enactment of the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006-
  • "(i) knowingly participated in, or should have known they were participating in, any illegal Internet gambling activity, including the taking of an illegal Internet wager, the payment of winnings on an illegal Internet wager, the promotion through advertising of any illegal Internet gambling website or service, or the collection of any payments to an entity operating an illegal Internet gambling website; or  
  • "(ii) knowingly been owned, operated, managed, or employed by, or should have known they were owned, operated, managed, or employed by, any person who was knowingly participating in, or should have known they were participating in, any illegal Internet gambling activity, including the taking of an illegal Internet wager, the payment of winnings on an illegal Internet wager, the promotion through advertising of any illegal Internet gambling website or service, or the collection of any payments to an entity operating an illegal Internet gambling website;

 "(F) has-  
  • "(i) received any assistance, financial or otherwise, from any person who has, before the date of the enactment of the Internet Gambling Regulation, Consumer Protection, and Enforcement Act, knowingly accepted bets or wagers from a person located in the United States in violation of Federal or State law; or
  • "(ii) provided any assistance, financial or otherwise, to any person who has, before the date of the enactment of the Internet Gambling Regulation, Consumer Protection, and Enforcement Act, knowingly accepted bets or wagers from a person located in the United States in violation of Federal or State law. 
"(G) with respect to another entity that has accepted a bet or wager from any individual in violation of United States law, has purchased or otherwise obtained-
  • "(i) such entity;
  • "(ii) a list of the customers of such entity; or
  • "(iii) any other part of the equipment or operations of such entity; or
"(H) is listed on a State gambling excluded persons list.".

OK, there's a lot of legalese packed into these amendments.  What does it all mean?  First, note that the Bachus amendment, although pitched as "redundant" of the Sherman amendment, is actually much more harsh in excluding current online poker sites from licensing.  The Sherman amendment states that the legal standard for judging past violations of gaming laws is "intentional" conduct, while the Bachus amendment uses the much lower legal standard of "knowingly, or should have known". The applicable legal standard for judging violations is critical, as the "intentional" standard is a high bar for government regulators to prove, while "knowingly, or should have known" is much easier to prove.  For example, if it was illegal under Washington state law to accept wagers on the internet (see the pending Rousso appeal), a website might have put in place passive barriers to preclude Washington residents from using the site (e.g., a box asking users their state of residence, then barring play from Washington residents).  Under an "intentional" standard, a website might not be held liable if Washington residents nonetheless played on the site by misrepresenting their state of residence.  However, under a "knowingly, or should have known" standard, the website could be held liable if the website were aware that it was receiving funds from Washington residents, mailing checks to Washington residents, receiving game play from players with ISP addresses in Washington, or had in its possession any similar information or data that reasonably indicated Washington residents were placing wagers on their website.

The next striking feature of the Bachus Amendment is the laundry list of categories of disqualifying conduct: 

  1. taking of an illegal Internet wager,
  2. the payment of winnings on an illegal Internet wager,
  3. the promotion through advertising of any illegal Internet gambling website or service, or
  4. the collection of any payments to an entity operating an illegal Internet gambling website.

The primary purpose of these kinds of laundry lists is to attempt to close loopholes and technicalities that current websites might try to use to avoid disqualification.  The first two strike me as potentially problematic for current poker sites, as they do not necessarily require that the site itself be  found to be operating illegally, but merely that any wager they accepted or paid winnings on was illegal.  For example, if the placement of a wager via the internet was illegal in Washington, then the language above might apply to disqualify a site that took that wager or paid off a winning wager, even if the courts of Washington would find that the site itself was beyond Washington jurisdiction, or that only the bettor had broken Washington law.  This interpretation of the proposed statute might be affirmed by a court as a reasonable regulation intended to disqualify gaming sites that had encouraged or facilitated illegal gambling in states where such gambling was barred, even though the site itself was not criminally liable for the bettor's illegal wagering.  (As a very rough analogy, a bar owner who over-serves a patron will not be criminally liable for the patron's DUI arrest, but may very well lose his liquor license as a result of the incident).

Now, the issue of whether the current online poker sites accepting wagers from U.S. players are operating illegally is a matter of great contention, but may become relevant if regulations eventually establish that sites must have actually acted illegally themselves to merit a licensing disqualification.  It seems likely under current court interpretation of the federal Wire Act that online poker sites have not violated that particular statute, so long as they have not offered online sports betting.  Sites such as Bodog, however, which have offered sports betting are likely precluded from federal licensing, particularly since the committee adopted an amendment reiterating a federal ban on online sports wagering. 

So what about the poker-only sites, like Full Tilt, PokerStars, and Ultimate Bet?  Because the UIGEA itself does not make any online gambling illegal, its intent was to permit states to enforce their gambling laws.  The legislative committee members supporting the "bad actors" amendments seemed under the impression that sites currently operating in the U.S. would be ineligible for licensing, creating an inference that online poker sites currently operating in the U.S. are in fact violating state gambling laws.  Although PokerStars seems strangely confident it is in compliance with state gaming laws, and the Poker Players Aliance (PPA) seems to feel the same way, the issue is far from clear.  PokerStars' reference to "legal opinions" assuring that its operations are in full compliance with state laws is of little relevance to the debate.  An "advice of counsel" defense is difficult to maintain in criminal law, and generally only goes to the issue of "willful" violation of law, which is not always an element of state gaming laws.

Further, state gaming laws in many cases appear to ban online poker.  Several states explicitly ban online gaming, while poker is explicitly regulated as gambling in many states.  In states which use a "skill vs. chance" analysis, any "good faith" argument that poker is legal as a game of skill has been dashed, after the PPA's "poker is a game of skill" litigation strategy backfired, resulting in appellate court decisions in several states which explicitly hold that poker is a game of chance subject to gambling laws.  This leaves online poker sites with only two legitimate possible arguments—they are beyond state jurisdiction, and state regulation of online gaming is barred by the Commerce Clause.

These two arguments are related, each arguing that states cannot regulate commerce beyond their borders.  The first argument, related to state jurisdiction, is not particularly compelling.  States already use "long arm statutes" to pursue criminal and civil actions against companies located outside the state; examples in the consumer protection field include state suits against tobacco companies and Microsoft.  Given that online poker sites unquestionably do business within states that regulate poker as gambling, states arguably can assert jurisdiction over online sites.

Now the online gaming sites might argue that they are domiciled outside the state, and the gaming transaction takes place entirely on servers located outside the state, and thus the state has no jurisdiction.  This distinction might be significant in states that bar only taking or accepting wagers, but seems unpersuasive for states that prohibit the making a wager (e.g., Washington).  Although one federal court has declined jurisdiction in a civil lawsuit between a poker player and a foreign-based online poker site, there is no reason to expect a similar decision in the context of a state asserting its jurisdiction in a criminal law matter.

Looking at the Commerce Clause argument, those issues have been raised in the Rousso appellate challenge to the Washington internet gambling ban.  But the key point to remember is that a law is fully enforceable until declared unconstitutional.  In other words, internet gambling is illegal in Washington until a court rules otherwise, and internet poker sites violate the law every time they take wagers from Washington residents.  A company can't simply declare they feel a law is unconstitutional and flout it; instead, they are bound by the law until they (or someone) succeeds in a challenge the law.

Turning to the licensing ban for companies that have engaged in "the promotion through advertising of any illegal Internet gambling website or service", this provision potentially encompasses ".net" advertising if the ".net" company is too closely connected to an illegal ".com" company.  Indeed, the Nevada Gaming Commission recently pronounced that it would be closely examining these kinds of business affiliations, causing the Venetian to drop its relationship with the PokerStars.net sponsored NAPT.  If federal regulations similar to the NGC's views are implemented, this provision could be a major roadblock for online poker sites currently operating in the U.S., as all of the major players utilize ".net" advertising.

Some poker industry and poker media individuals have wondered if Full Tilt or PokerStars could simply create a new "U.S. only" skin or affiliated site, or create a new corporation to transfer their assets to which would be eligible for licensing.  These types of shell game maneuvers appear to be prohibited by subsection (G) of Amendment 15 (the Bachus amendment), which disqualifies from licensing companies which have bought a disqualified company, or its assetsSo, if Full Tilt or PokerStars were disqualified from licensing in the U.S., then they would be too toxic for another license-eligible company (say Google or Las Vegas Sands) to purchase.  This is a significant poison pill provision with financial consequences beyond the licensing debate.

A final interesting provision is that the bill would permit state and tribal gaming boards to license online gaming companies on a national basis under certain conditions.  The Secretary of the Treasury could reject the state or tribal license, but the state or tribal license provision would enable companies like Full Tilt or PokerStars to "forum shop" for a favorable jurisdiction that would grant them a license, presumably in return for significant licensing fees, tax payments, or locating of business operations.  Nevada would be the logical home court for licensing the brick and mortar giants (notably Harrah's and MGM, likely Wynn and Las Vegas Sands), but there are likely a number of states or tribes that would be open to certifying current online sites for the right kind of financial incentive.  Alternatively, current online sites, if unable to obtain a federal license, could still seek licensing in states which opt out of the national online gaming system.  This would only further balkanize the poker playing world, which is detrimental to the growth of the game.

Now, there are two major caveats to keep in mind at this stage.  First, there may be additional amendments to this bill in the House, and there remain almost certain amendments to be proposed in the Senate (home of UIGEA architect and supporter, Jon Kyl, who just happens to sit on both the Finance and Judiciary committees—good luck, PPA).  These differences will need to be hammered out if a final bill is ever passed, and the bill may contain stronger or weaker language related to online gaming sites currently operating in the U.S.  Second, if and when a bill ever becomes law, the Treasury Department will need to promulgate regulations to help enforce the law.  These regulations tend to be very important, and will be the subject of additional lobbying and political wrangling.  So, the final interpretation of the law will depend to a potentially significant degree on the views of Treasury Department bureaucrats, who can strengthen or soften the impact of Congress' statutory language.

Personally, I would prefer a licensing system that would permit sites like Full Tilt and PokerStars to operate legally in the U.S., as they have proven to be reliable sites enjoyed by millions of players (Ultimate Bet / Absolute Poker should have to do some serious explaining to regulators before getting a license).  If other sites started by Harrah's, MGM, Google, or other newcomers want to compete for the poker dollar, they should certainly jump into the fray and try to offer a superior product.  But I find rather distasteful the use of pious "fairness" rhetoric to justify gaining an economic advantage by disqualifying competing companies through an Act of Congress.  However, if sacrificing some current sites leads to legalization, licensing, and regulation, then I won't mourn the passing of Full Tilt or PokerStars.