November 30, 2010

'Nuff Said (v. 1.0)—Tapping the Lead Crystal

Plenty of poker bloggers (e.g., F-Train, Poker Grump, me) have addressed the "Don't Tap the Glass" maxim, which essentially states that it is stupid (i.e., unprofitable) to complain when people play poorly against you and win, because it merely educates them into playing better.  And don't we have enough smart players out there already?

Today, Jordan at High On Poker stated this principle better than I've ever heard it before:

If a guy calls you with a 20/80 underdog and then hits, you can berate him and get him to fold all future 20/80 underdogs … and why would you ever want to do that?  You already experienced the 20 side of it, so encourage the bad play and collect your damn 80!

'Nuff said.  Now if only I could figure out why I get the 80 side less than 20% of the time ....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

This is the first in an irregular series of posts where I will highlight thoughts by other bloggers which I find to be particularly well-written, succinct points which are worth passing along, but where I also find I have no real additional commentary to add.  Think of it as a blogger-centric homage to (or rip-off of) Poker Grump's running "Poker Gems" series of quotes derived from a variety of poker media. 

November 26, 2010

Idiot Sports Announcers Watch (v. 1.3)—
Don't Call It a Comeback!

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin' my peers and puttin' suckas in fear ...
....
Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill, at will
The man of the hour, tower of power, I'll devour ...
....
Listen to the way I slay, your crew
Damage! [uhh!] Damage! [uhh!] Damage! [uhh!] Damage!
Destruction, terror, and mayhem
Pass me a sissy so suckas I'll slay him ....

—LL Cool J, "Mama Said Knock You Out"

This morning, I took Berkeley on our "long" walking route, about four miles total.  Along the way, we popped into the vet clinic for something like six vaccine booster shots—who knew dogs could get bird flu?  Of course, I also love the whole "bring in some poop" process—$22 to look at it, $4 to throw it away—not glamorous work, but it pays better than what some might argue is similar work at McDonalds.  About $160 later, Berk is officially the Superman of puppies.

On our walks, I listen to a variety of podcasts on my iPhone via Stitcher radio.  Most of the podcasts are for poker or sports topics, and this morning, I happened to load up the Dan Patrick sports talk radio highlights for this past Wednesday.  What I heard made my blood boil.

Patrick was interviewing Rich Eisen, a major figure and lead commentator for the NFL Network and NFL.com, official media arms for the league.  Patrick asked Eisen if he had to buy an NFL jersey for his young son, would he pick Michael Vick (Philadelphia Eagles star QB embroiled in a dog fighting scandal), Brett Favre (Minnesota Vikings star QB involved in a sexual harassment scandal), or Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers star QB enmeshed in two sexual assault scandals)?  Eisen stated that, because his wife was a dog lover who worked with the ASPCA, he definitely wouldn't buy a Vick jersey.

Then Eisen and Patrick went where they shouldn't have gone.  Patrick suggested that Vick, who is having a statistically remarkable season on the football field, should be a contender for the NFL's "Comeback Player of the Year", awarded each season to a player who has demonstrated perseverance in overcoming adversity (typically an injury).  Eisen emphatically stated that Vick already has Comeback Player of the Year "locked up".  If true, then the NFL has truly abandoned any pretense of caring about character over cash.

It's not just Eisen and Patrick drinking the Vick-comeback Kool-Aid.  This week's Sports Illustrated cover story also refers to Vick's "comeback" and "rebirth".  In fact, it seems many (if not most) major sports writers and broadcasters are firmly in the "bygones" camp in covering Vick, choosing to applaud Vick's athletic exploits with barely more than an apologetic "he deserves a second chance" nod to his criminal past.

ESPN columnist Rick Reilly suggests that, "in a backward way, Vick has been the best thing to happen to pit bulls" because he raised public awareness of pit bull fighting.  Well yes, by all means, let's give Vick a citizen of the year award for his efforts.  And while we're at it, let's give O.J. Simpson an award for raising public awareness of spousal abuse.  Reilly also suggests that we forgive Vick because he's "remade" himself into the "the most exciting athlete in American sports" by paying more attention to his diet, training more diligently, and working harder in practice.  Ya know, there are plenty of exciting athletes out there to applaud who seem to have learned those lessons without needing 18 months in federal prison for motivation.  Perhaps we could find two or three of them to hold up as paragons of virtue?

Another ESPN columnist, Bill Simmons, actually went further into absurdity in justifying his Vick worship.  Simmons actually repeated Reilly's "Vick did a favor for animal rights" nonsense, only he explicitly drew the comparison to O.J. Simpson and spousal abuse!  While we're at it, let's take a moment to recognize Tiger Woods for his strong work in support of traditional family values.

Simmons also suggested we are all "hypocrites" about animal cruelty because most of us enjoy eating meat.  I'll go Simmons one better.  Growing up on a farm, I've actually been a part of the meat industry on the production side.  I've castrated pigs, branded cattle, and been on a slaughterhouse "kill floor".  The difference between those in the meat industry and people like Vick is that the meat industry does not engage in animal cruelty for sport and gambling.  The purpose of the meat industry is to provide food, while the purpose of dog fighting is let a bunch of guys get their jollies watching two dogs tear each other to shreds in what are generally lengthy, bloody battles.  The meat industry minimizes the pain inflicted on animals (or at least does not cause gratuitous suffering to animals), while dog fighting thrives on maximizing brutality.  Michael Vick doesn't get off the moral hook for electrocuting dogs merely because many of us enjoy a good steak or pork chop.

Simmons also makes the absurd suggestion that Vick—animal torturer and felon—is a better person than LeBron James—basketball superstar who has never been so much as arrested—because "LeBron steadfastly refuses to admit his 'Decision' [to leave his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat] was ruinously handled from start to finish." Seriously?  You want to stake the credibility of your support for Vick on that argument?

Now, there is one point where Reilly, Simmons, Patrick, Eisen, and their ilk are absolutely correct—Vick has served his prison time, and if the NFL and the Eagles want Vick representing them, that's their business.  Even though many felons after prison find themselves shut out of lucrative employment opportunities, Vick is under no obligation to turn down millions of dollars if some team is willing to pay him for his services.  If Eagles fans and fantasy football enthusiasts want to root for or gush over Vick, that's their right. Heck, I even understand the sentiment for Vick's fans—"Vick may be a felon, but he's our felon".*

Here's the thing.  Just because Vick has served his time, and is saying and doing all the "right" things, doesn't change the fact of what he did.  Vick financed an illegal dog-fighting business, looking to profit off of the torture of animals as a form of entertainment and gambling.  Vick also wasn't merely a passive investor, he got his hands dirty—and literally bloody—by participating in the killing of several dogs.  Vick wasn't someone committing a youthful indiscretion, nor was he caught in an addiction beyond his control. So please, can we all stop the nonsense talk about how Vick has overcome "adversity"? Adversity is something that happens to someone beyond their control; adversity is not the consequence of a personal moral choice. Adversity is an injury, an illness, a family tragedy. Vick's serving time in federal prison was a well-deserved punishment, not adversity.

For those fans who can stomach Vick's past off-field conduct, Vick's current on-field performance is certainly exciting.  For sports journalists, Vick's resurrected career is an attention-grabbing topic for punditry.  For the NFL and the Eagles, Vick's athletic prowess is certainly lucrative.  Frankly, if the league is sufficiently bereft of dignity and talented, non-felonious stars, Vick's cornucopia of highlight reel plays might well make him worthy of being named league MVP.

But, please, don't call it a comeback.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As you make your year-end charitable contributions, please keep these worthy organizations in your thoughts, or look up your local chapters of these groups and donate your time, cash, or needed supplies, or even help an animal find a new, loving home.

American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA)
The Humane Society of the United States
The Animal Rescue League (ARL) (Iowa chapter)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just a reminder, when someone is dismissive of criticisms of Vick because "all he did was kill some pit bulls", here are some examples of the breeds of dog Vick consigned to torture and death.

(Image source).

(Image source).

(Image source).

(Image source).

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*  There are plenty of sports teams at all levels of play fielding players of questionable moral character.  Coaches, fans, owners, and/or administrators alike all have to reach some decision on where to draw the moral line regarding whether they employ, coach, or root for a particular player.  Even my beloved Huskers are not immune.  In my mind, Tom Osborne's legacy will always be tainted by his decision in 1995 to reinstate Lawrence Phillips to the team after suspending him for physically assaulting his then-girlfriend.  Although Osborne likely had Phillips' best interests at heart, and the Huskers did not need Phillips (they had a pretty serviceable backup RB in Ahman Green), nonetheless the fact remains that the Huskers chose to keep a pretty unsavory character on the team on the way to a second consecutive national title.  And Husker fans cheered.

November 24, 2010

Ode On a Grumpy Urn

  When old age shall this generation waste,
     Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
   Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
    Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'

John Keats, "Ode On a Grecian Urn"

During my recent trip to Vegas, I had the pleasure of playing a session of poker with the Poker Grump.  Now, the Grump has already chronicled the events at the Venetian, so there's no reason for me to rehash matters further.  Well, other than to point out, yet again, that I managed to stack the Black Widow of Poker with Yaks on back to back hands. Hilarity ensued!

No, the point I wanted to make is that, although the Grump pretends to be misanthropic, in reality he is a merely a very reserved individual, one who likes to take in the scene more than be a starring actor in the play. But when he decides to open up, he is wicked smart, witty, and a big-ol' teddy bear.  Well, a teddy bear who will still steal your pic-a-nic basket of chips, but it's hard to blame him for that.

Although I may have played poker with the Grump a dozen or so times over the past three years, the session a few weeks back was among the most enjoyable.  Once he got a table change and secured the seat on my left (muttering something about "position", whatever that is), and got himself logged into the comp system (dragging out a set of what looked to be maybe three dozen players club cards), we started chatting like old friends.  Or maybe father-son; one dealer once stated we looked like father-son (I'm not entirely certain which of us should feel more insulted).

We chit-chatted about the upcoming election, poker news from Washington and South Carolina, and a dozen other random, tangential topics.  When I got a text message from the folks puppy-sitting the Berkster, along with a picture of the disaster he and his buddy Fritz had wreaked after escaping their kennels during the work day, the Grump proceeded to throw out a series of horrific puns and witticisms to sum up their exploits.  Afrer enduring a couple dozen "hound" and "dog" based suggestions, I finally accepted the Grump's suggested label of "The Houndinis".  Yes, yes, he'll be at the Venetian all week.  Please tip your server.

Later, our chat turned to the card-capper I was using—a 20 drachma Greek coin given to me by George of Mr. Filet fame.  The Grump inquired who was on the coin, and I told him I couldn't remember, but knew it was a famous figure in Greek history (once again, my brilliance shows).  I suggested it was perhaps Philip II of Macedon, father of Alexander the Great.  The Grump wasn't so sure, but suggested, "Wouldn't it be great if there were some electronic database of information one could access, maybe by phone, to look up information?"  I agreed that would be a great invention.

A 20 drachma coin like mine.  (Image source).

Of course, after my trip, the Grump emailed me to inform me that, somehow, he had been able to identify the figure on the coin as Pericles.  Of course, with my background as a philosophy and religion major (and a fraternity member), I suppose I could have attempted to translate the Greek lettering, "ΠΕΡΙΚΛΗΣ" ("Perikles" in English), but I was on vacation, and was in a no thinking zone.  I have to admit, though, that I lost seconds of sleep worrying about the identity of the dead Greek dude on my card-capper.  Thank gawd for the Grump!

Another topic that came up were the ads I had observed on Las Vegas buses for "half-price lawyers".  Coming from Iowa, one of the most restrictive states for lawyer advertising, the blatant consumerist approach of the ads was rather shocking.  But, as the Grump and I discussed, the ads were also curious since there are a number of situations where one doesn't necessarily want the half-price professional—lawyers, doctors, food inspectors, pilots, exotic dancers ...  In any event, the Grump later sent me a link to the Half-Price Lawyers website, complete with catchy jingle.  So, if any of y'all find yourselves in a Vegas jail (not that I would expect that of my high-class readers), now you know where to find a lawyer.  You're welcome.

As for the poker itself, I rarely found myself in a hand with the Grump, not because I was avoiding him, but because his style usually meant he had a hand when he did play.  In a way, I think the Grump thrives off players like me.  I make my money in Vegas by being the loose, loud, splashy, dare I say flamboyant player, who gets paid off when usually tight, cautious folks finally decide to make a stand against one of my monster hands.  The Grump, however, uses players like me to pry money loose from the tight-fisted players, and maybe to tilt them in the process.  The Grump then exacts a tax on my style of play by forcing me off my more marginal hands.  It's not a bad poker ecosystem, so long as there are plenty of drunk tourists to provide the chip-plankton to feed us both.

In any event, the Grump's recent write-up of our Venetian poker session included a thought from his dear friend, Cardgrrl:  "If you showed most people what you show me ~ your humor, your kindness, your generosity, your interest, your curiosity about the world, your playfulness and creativity, and your perceptiveness ~ they would absolutely like you."  Well, I can second that the Grump has all of those qualities in spades (or in crubs, if you prefer). Except for the generosity part.  If I ever win a monsterpotten off the Grump, then we can reexamine his generous spirit.

Maybe I'll get the chance in a couple of weeks.  If not, then our team, "The Knights Who Say 'Nit'" damn well better win the WPBT last longer challenge!  Either way, I'm definitely looking forward to my next fix of the Grump.

November 23, 2010

Playing Iron Cross with Poker Litigation


A couple of decades ago, I was a college student just learning to play poker in the dorms (with ringleader Santa Claus).  Although it was a nickel-dime-quarter sort of setup, some of the games turned into relatively high stakes affairs, at least as judged by poor college kid standards.  One of the regular games with routine monsterpotten was Iron Cross, particularly when the middle card (and others like it) played as wild.  There's nothing more exhilarating than seeing the middle card give you quads or a straight flush, and nothing more tragic than seeing your only out hit the board—sitting on the wrong arm of the cross.

Several news stories recently reminded me metaphorically of Iron Cross, as poker was in the news for reasons other than litigation, yet the news still directly intersected with ongoing poker litigation battles. For starters, in South Carolina, a low stakes poker game was recently raided by a police vice squad using a SWAT team.  Unfortunately, the raid went poorly, with the game operator shooting through the door and hitting a police officer (apparently out of fear his game was being robbed), resulting in the operator himself being shot in the return fire by the police.  From the comments to the Pokerati article, it seems very hazy as to whether a SWAT team was appropriate for the circumstances; KenP offers some thoughts as well.

I honestly don't know enough about the pertinent background facts to comment on the propriety of the police officers' actions.  Certainly, serving warrants is dangerous business, and police often do not know the risk connected with any particular raid, so it's entirely understandable if they err on the side of too much force.  On the other hand, there are plenty of reports of overzealous law enforcement vice squad raids where families (in particular young children and pets) are placed in harm's way, only for the police to find out they are at the wrong location, or they discover only trivial amounts of drugs.  All I can tell you is to read the news reports and draw your own conclusions.

What I do find interesting is the timing of this particular raid, less than a month after the South Carolina supreme court heard oral argument in the Chimento poker-legalization appeal.  If local law enforcement officials are anti-poker, arranging the well-publicized raids of a few poker games makes for a pretty effective campaign strategy.  Regardless of the motivation for the raid, it's undeniable that the optics of this raid could hardly be worse for the pro-poker side—"illegal" home poker game raided, SWAT forces used, police officer shot in a gun "battle", all in time for the late night news.  I'm not sure the pro-poker side had much of a chance of winning in Chimento as it is, but this raid likely was the last nail in the coffin.  There's really no way I can see the court handing down an opinion now which essentially would say, "That cop who got shot last November?  Never mind, those folks weren't committing a crime." 

Turning our attention across the continent to that great bastion of moral purity, Washington state, where gambling is strictly forbidden—except for lotteries, horse racing, tribal casinos, and state-licensed card rooms.  OK then, Washington state, where online gambling is strictly forbidden (a policy preference roughly akin to legalizing swingers clubs and escort services, while outlawing sexting and online porn sites).  In the first intersection of news and poker litigation, the Washington supreme court's Rousso decision, upholding the state's ban on internet gambling (including internet poker), was back in the news as Full Tilt Poker followed the lead of PokerStars and banned players from within the state of Washington from playing real-money games.  Frankly, my prior comments on the PokerStars withdrawal from the Washington market apply equally to Full Tilt:

For PokerStars to tie its decision to pull out of the Washington state online poker market to the Washington supreme court's Rousso decision is beyond disingenuous.  PokerStars has been violating Washington state gaming laws since at least the enactment of the online gambling ban, and most likely as long as it has been in business....  There was nothing magical about the Washington supreme court ruling that suddenly made online poker illegal in the state.  The PokerStars withdrawal is all about creating the appearance of caring about state gaming laws, while generating a smokescreen to hide its past blatant disregard for those laws.

Of more interest to me was news that the author of the Rousso decision, Justice Richard B. Sanders, lost his re-election campaign, apparently in large part because of his rather interesting personal life.  To poker players, seeing the outspoken and rather libertarian Sanders not only voting against legalized online gambling, but also writing the opinion, had to have been a cruel disappointment.  However, in an election where Iowa voters ousted three qualified judges merely because they had the temerity to do what they felt justice required, it sort of balances the scales a bit to see Sanders—who voted against gay marriage and joined a stridently anti-gay concurring opinion in doing so—also looking for work.

The most interesting intersection of news and poker litigation, however, arises from the recent announcement that federal authorities in Washington seized over $550,000 in cash from a Canadian payment processor, and is seeking to seize the company (or its assets) for what the federal authorities are alleging to be illegal money laundering activities.  Essentially, the legal mess arises from UltimateBet's use of the company to process cashout checks for its players, with the company disguising the payments as "payroll" payments.

It's intriguing to me that the investigation began back in July 2009, nearly a year before the Washington supreme court heard arguments in the Rousso appeal.  It makes me wonder if maybe the federal authorities had intended for the investigation to move more quickly, perhaps to be concluded before an adverse decision by the court, or perhaps to influence the court's consideration of the case.  In any event, the seizures have to put something of a cloud over the Full Tilt and PokerStars decisions to withdraw from the state.  If the federal authorities decide to seize, or even merely to track, the massive number of cashout checks for Washington online poker players, one wonders what kind of legal fallout might result.  Don't be shocked to hear of more federal raids of payment processors connected to Washington poker players over the next year.

Finally, in the realm of the purely theoretical at this juncture, the federal Travel Act makes it a federal crime to use "the mail or any facility in interstate or foreign commerce, with intent to:  (1) distribute the proceeds of any unlawful activity ...", and defines "unlawful activity" to include "any business enterprise involving gambling ... in violation of the laws of the State in which they are committed."  I'm not saying PokerStars and Full Tilt have committed or are committing any crimes, but I bet the federal authorities could make the Washington state cashout process really interesting for those companies if they wanted.

High stakes, indeed.

November 22, 2010

Idiot Sports Announcer Watch (v. 1.2)—
Dana Jacobson Defies Oprah

This morning, I had a meeting out near my house, so I worked at home for a bit.  I had on ESPN2 in the background, to catch a bit of the sports talk shows Mike & Mike In the Morning and First Take.  On First Take, the ever-exuberant (sometimes overly exuberant) Dana Jacobson was hosting, and was engaged in a phone interview of Jets' receiver Santonio Holmes about his role in the Jets win over the Texans, when suddenly (around the 2:05 mark):

Holmes lets out an exclamation.  Jacobson quickly realizes Holmes is driving while doing the interview.  Holmes indicates another driver cut in front of him while moving into his lane.  Jacobson tosses out the witty comeback, "Does he not realize you're Santonio Holmes?!?  What's he doing?"  [Umm, just guessing, he has no clue Holmes is driving anywhere near him.].  Jacobson then chides Holmes, noting that "Oprah would be mad at us for having this conversation while driving."  [If there had been an actual collision, Oprah is a ways down the list of people concerned.].  Finally, Jacobson settles on an awkward segue, advising Holmes to "Save those hands!  They're game-winning hands!"  [Yup, get in a wreck, go ahead and lose your legs or suffer brain trauma, just so long as your hands are safe!].  All in all a couple of shining minutes of peppy coverage trivializing a near-tragedy.  Bravo, Dana Jacobson! 

Out of curiosity, I wonder how the ESPN suits felt about Jacobson continuing the interview for another few minutes post-mishap.  At that point, ESPN knows Holmes is on the phone, and has narrowly avoided a collision.  Even if Holmes was not at all at fault, ESPN is still knowingly engaging him in an interview while he drives.  It just doesn't look good.  God forbid any sports star actually gets in a collision during a phone interview.  In any event, it's really not a laughing matter.

Much like this:

Jacobson has some liquid inspiration before insulting
Notre Dame, Touchdown Jesus, and, well, plain-ol' Jesus.