Here There Be Monsters—and Ironmen!
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Santa ClausTwitter Name: @IronmenofPoker
Events: IMOP-I, IMOP-II, IMOP-III, IMOP-IV (Champion), IMOP-V,
IMOP Tournament O' Champions I
IMOP Claims to Fame: IMOP cruise director. Busted the Sherminator.
Poker Style: Erratic. Starting hand selection is usually tight, but opens up in direct proportion to drinks consumed, and in inverse proportion to hours slept.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"So I was walking by this midget dressed as a leprechaun hawking dollar beers, when ..."
"I play the player, not the cards."
"I went heidi-ho with 98 suited and it held up."
Best Quote to Santa: "You look like a pediatric Unabomber."
IMOP Infamy: Crop dusting unsuspecting tourists.
Santa at Planet Hollywood (IMOP-IV)
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Lucky
Twitter Name: @IMOPLucky
Events: IMOP-I (Champion), IMOP-II, IMOP-III, IMOP-IV, IMOP-V,
IMOP Tournament O' Champions I (Champion)
IMOP Tournament O' Champions I (Champion)
IMOP Claim to Fame: Having water dumped in his crotch at Delmonico.
Poker Style: Tight-aggressive. Tilts easily and with dramatic effect.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"And then they threw water in my crotch."
"They're always after me Lucky Charms!"
"He's drawing dead."
Best Quote to Lucky: "You will wear a shirt!"
Best IMOP Quotes:
"And then they threw water in my crotch."
"They're always after me Lucky Charms!"
"He's drawing dead."
Best Quote to Lucky: "You will wear a shirt!"
IMOP Infamy: Robot dancing token leprechaun.
Lucky at Samba in Mirage for Jacket Dinner (IMOP-IV)
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Sahara
Twitter Name: @Sahara_D
Events: IMOP-I, IMOP-II, IMOP-IV, IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame: Hates the Sahara casino.
Poker Style: Tournament assassin, cash game corpse.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"You saw the sun?"
"I have only two requests ..."
"I'd be tilted, but I'm too bored."
Best IMOP Quotes:
"You saw the sun?"
"I have only two requests ..."
"I'd be tilted, but I'm too bored."
IMOP Infamy: Playing pocket 9s.
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Jonesy
Twitter Name: n/a
Events: IMOP-I
IMOP Claim to Fame: Rocking the sports investments.
Poker Style: Wild low limit player.
Best IMOP Quote: " ... "
Best IMOP Quote: " ... "
IMOP Infamy: Disappearing like Jimmy Hoffa.
[Picture not available due to witness protection program regulations.]
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Grange
Twitter Name: @Grange95
Events: IMOP-II (Champion), IMOP-III (Champion), IMOP-IV, IMOP-V, IMOP Tournament O' Champions I
IMOP Claim to Fame: Best worst-dressed player.
Poker Style: Sneaky. Loves to crack AA/KK with trash. Sucks at tournaments, though he won a tournament at Caesars Palace, including heads up with Barbie for the title.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"Jesus must have been busy at the pot limit Omaha game."
"You're a jerk. I call."
"How can a Mexican restaurant run out of tortillas?"
Best Quotes to Grange:
"I like your skull, Darryl."
"You are a f#$%ing clown!"
"F#$%ing s#ck @ss b%tch motherf#cker!"
[Editor's note—Can you feel the love?]
Best IMOP Quotes:
"Jesus must have been busy at the pot limit Omaha game."
"You're a jerk. I call."
"How can a Mexican restaurant run out of tortillas?"
Best Quotes to Grange:
"I like your skull, Darryl."
"You are a f#$%ing clown!"
"F#$%ing s#ck @ss b%tch motherf#cker!"
[Editor's note—Can you feel the love?]
IMOP Infamy: Getting tackled by a drunk Englishman at Bally's.
Grange wasting away again in Margaritaville.
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JBDIA
Twitter Name: @JBDIA
Events: IMOP-II, IMOP-III, IMOP-IV, IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame: Getting finger-raped at the Fashion Mall.
Poker Style: DIA means “diamonds in azz”, so you can only begin to imagine how tight this guy plays.
IMOP Infamy: Straddling. Once. Drunken craziness.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"I don't mind sticking Santa with the bill. I just don't want to overpay."
“Where you @ homey? I’m getting my drink on! ... U bought a ho didn’t you?” [text message]
Best IMOP Quotes:
"I don't mind sticking Santa with the bill. I just don't want to overpay."
“Where you @ homey? I’m getting my drink on! ... U bought a ho didn’t you?” [text message]
IMOP In His Own Words:
I’m an accountant, I’m supposed to be conservative, but my reputation as being tight is just in relation to the friggin’ maniacs I play with. Compared to some in our home game, Gus Hansen is a nit. I like to say that I'm not tight, my cards just suck really, really bad.
As for the “finger-rape” incident, I was accosted by an aggressive Israeli chick in the Fashion Mall on my first IMOP trip and given an involuntary manicure of my right middle fingernail while she was trying in vain to sell me a manicure kit for my wife. She was rather pissed when I kept screaming, "No!" When it comes to phalanges, "no means no".
"Diamonds In Azz" was given to me as my American Indian name to be used in the central Iowa tribal casino we used to frequent prior to the opening of a couple casinos closer to home. The theory being, if you placed a lump of coal in my azz at the start of a session, by the time I was done, there would be diamonds. Being “PC” is not a pre-requisite for being a member of the IMOP crew.
JBDIA at Samba in Mirage for Jacket Dinner (IMOP-IV)
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Barbie
Twitter Name: @imopbarbie
Events: IMOP-III, IMOP-IV, IMOP-V (Champion)
IMOP Claim to Fame: Perpetrator of the “Meat Tank” prop bet.
Poker Style: Uber-maniac. Loves “the Spanish Inquisition” (6-3). Specializes in tilting Euros.
IMOP Infamy: Winner of the “big purple button” hand.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"I put the Russian Nazi on Barbie-tilt."
"Rub my fuzzy puppy!"
"Do I have to swallow?"
Best Quote to Barbie: "How about we chop the pot and you kick me in the nuts?"
IMOP In His Own Words:
Best IMOP Quotes:
"I put the Russian Nazi on Barbie-tilt."
"Rub my fuzzy puppy!"
"Do I have to swallow?"
Best Quote to Barbie: "How about we chop the pot and you kick me in the nuts?"
IMOP In His Own Words:
Barbie is a two time IMOP runner-up (some would say first loser, but he scoffs at such suggestions). The owner of world-renowned card cap and personal mascot, Fuzzy Puppy, is a believer that any two cards can win – but only when played properly. The two time winner of the “Most Hands Won with His Signature Hand” event believes in the mystical power of the Spanish Inquisition (6-3), because, as they say, “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!” Oh, and he wants world peace... and a smoke and the occasional big pot.
[Editor's note—A non-champion who refers to himself in the third-person is as big a d-bag as the Euros he tilts. That is all.]
Barbie plays Tilt-A-Euro at Planet Hollywood (IMOP-IV)
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Bonnie
Twitter Name: @bonny2bag
Events: IMOP-III, IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame: Demolishing the “most cocktails” record, yet losing a drinking prop bet to Grange within the first two hours of the competition.
Poker Style: Drunken psychotic. After four Coronas, he will terrorize any cash game by making any play with any two cards. Unreadable, unless passed out.
IMOP Infamy: Losing a battle with the Venetian sheets.
Best IMOP Quotes:
"Tight. Too ... tight."
"I feel like dogsh*t."
IMOP In His Own Words:
Best IMOP Quotes:
"Tight. Too ... tight."
"I feel like dogsh*t."
IMOP In His Own Words:
I was rolling over this young gun at the Venetian who was trying to play table bully, and running his mouth. He whined after I cracked him for yet another big pot. As I stacked his chips, I said, "Have you ever seen me fold?"
[Editor's note—It is entirely possible that this is Bonnie's only IMOP memory.]
Bonnie at Delmonico in Venetian for Jacket Dinner (IMOP-III)
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Colt*
Twitter Name: @COLT45o
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame: Winning the pledge trivia contest, and wearing a man-purse (er, "satchel") with skittles all through IMOP-V.
Poker Style: Cagey drunk tournament specialist.
IMOP Infamy: Asking a nice lady about her picture of her 10 year old "daughter"; it was actually her grandson.
Best IMOP Quotes: "How old is your daughter?"
IMOP In His Own Words: bn
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Baby Carlos*
Twitter Name: @Dotdon12
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
IMOP Infamy:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
Twitter Name: @Dotdon12
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
IMOP Infamy:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
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Fat Jesus*
Twitter Name: @fjimop
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
Twitter Name: @fjimop
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
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River Joe*
Twitter Name: @riverjoe2
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
Twitter Name: @riverjoe2
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
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Mr. Chow*
Twitter Name: @aMrChow
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
Twitter Name: @aMrChow
Events: IMOP-V
IMOP Claim to Fame:
Poker Style:
Best IMOP Quotes:
IMOP In His Own Words:
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* Bios for new Ironmen inducted at IMOP-V are currently under construction.
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Follow the Ironmen on Twitter. Recent Tweets from the Ironmen are also posted at the bottom of this blog if you can't access Twitter directly, or do not have a Twitter account.
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