D-Bag O' the Day (v. 1.13)—No Free Lunch in Wisconsin

Sometimes, there's just too much stupid.

It was certainly the case last March in the Milwaukee suburb of Shorewood, when a 15 year-old student was arrested and charged with theft for ... wait for it ... sharing his lunch!

According to local Fox TV news report:

Adam [Hernandez] was accused of stealing chicken nuggets from a $2.60 meal.  Those are the nuggets his friend, Gakaree Garner, gave to him.  Garner says, "Although that month I was fasting so I couldn't eat meat, and we had chicken nuggets that day."

Garner gave the nuggets to Adam, who got in the lunch line to get some sauce for them. According to Garner and the police report the cafeteria cashier told the Assistant Principal Adam stole the chicken nuggets.  The Assistant Principal then told the police officer in the school, who called a squad car.  Garner says, "They actually put him in handcuffs, and actually tried to force him into the car."

The charge of misdemeanor theft carried a possible $170 fine for sharing a $2.60 meal.  Thankfully, the theft charges were later dismissed prior to trial, probably because of adverse publicity over the case.

So, here's a fine cast of characters competing for the coveted D-Bag O' the Day nod:

• The school cafeteria cashier who reported the "theft".
• The assistant high school principal who called the police.
• The police officer who arrested Hernandez, wrote the citation, and apparently at least tried to take him into custody.
• The district attorney, for not dismissing the charges as soon as s/he saw the police report.
• The USDA bureaucrats for writing federal anti-fraud regulations so vague or overbroad they could be read to prohibit kids from sharing or trading food at lunch.

Seriously, anyone in this chain could have used some common sense and prevented the escalating series of harebrained decisions.  Instead, a schoolkid got trapped in what reads like a weird Ray Bradbury-esque satire on bureaucratic stupidity. 

At least the federal government hasn't sued Hernandez for its $2.60, plus penalties and attorney fees.  Yet.

A felony on a plate.

(Hat tip to Neatorama for story; image from Grub Street).