May 05, 2010

D-Bags O' the Day (v. 1.6)—
The Patriots Steal Candy from Kiddies

The New England Patriots, once lovable losers, have dominated the NFL in d-baggery this past decade.  They started off with the infamous "Tuck Rule" game, but nobody really begrudged them sticking it to the Raiders.  We all just snickered as the league screwed over Al Davis yet again, and cheered as the plucky Patriots won a thrilling Super Bowl.  Little did we know what price we'd pay in tolerating years of annoying chatter about Belichik the Genius and Tom Terrific, the undefeated regular season, the mugging of the Colts in the 2004 AFC title game, spygate, and just an overwhelming amount of arrogant d-bag attitude from the team, its coaches, and their fans, not to mention an unprecedented amount of azz-kissing from announcers, commentators, and anyone remotely associated with the supposedly hard-hitting sports media.  Thankfully, a big dish of karma got served cold and literally upside the head when Eli Manning escaped a sack and threw a pass to David Tyree (who dat?) who made the greatest catch in Super Bowl history:

So why are the Patriots our D-Bags O' the Day?  I mean, how could they go above and beyond their usual level of d-baggery and get on our radar again?  Well, when a junior high school's students achieved a phenomenal participation rate in an NFL-sponsored fitness program, the schoolkids were promised a workout with Patriots team members.  Instead, the team sent over a communications intern who played some kickboxing workout tapes, and the kids also got a lecture from a dietician.  Seriously Patriots, you couldn't get three or four obscure starters to take a morning off to hang out for a couple of hours with some kids for whom it would be the highlight of their year?  Way to go all out to connect with your young fans!  At least the kids learned an important lesson—pro athletes in general, and Patriots players in particular, just don't give a flying pig about their fans.

Now that the Patriots have stolen candy from kids, what's next?  Kicking puppies?  Or worse, stealing footballs from puppies?  Berkeley sure isn't taking any chances!


  1. sweeeet!! another reason to hate the Patriots!! gotta love it!!

  2. After suffering through Genius' Bill Belichick's first head coaching gig and Cleveland and seeing him anointed to sainthood for the same attitude up in New England, albeit with different results, I can't say I disagree with this post.

  3. [UPDATE: As it turns out, the Patriots weren't at fault for disappointing any students. The New England Dairy Council, which also sponsored the event, is taking the full blame for the miscommunication. Gary Wheelock, the group's CEO, has apologized for the error, saying that they never meant to imply that actual players would show up. The videotape was the plan all along, but that got lost somewhere along the way.

    Wheelock also said that the group will try to make amends to the kids, who took the whole thing in stride, as noted in the original post below. Wheelock also apologized to the Patriots for subjecting them to negative press.

    That certainly includes this blog post, so I owe an apology, too, to the Patriots and their fans. I am very sorry.

  4. @ JHO: As if we're supposed to believe that this supposed "New England Dairy Council" actually exists, or that it wasn't blackmailed into taking the blame by Evilchek.

  5. More bad news Grange - apparently Belichek and one of the players visited the school this week.

  6. @ Glenn: Ooh la la. Who was the player? The back up punter?

    OK, so maybe the Patriots were the good guys--this time. But I'll let them keep the D-Bag award in recognition of their considerable lifetime achievements. No revotes here at crAAKKer.

  7. Actually it was an o lineman not aware if it was a starter or not so backup punter isn't too far off. The info was posted on which is definitely worth following for NFL info. Plus it's run by a lawyer who's escaped so yeah.

    I'm 100% in agreement that the Pats are deservng of the D-Bag lifetime achievement award just wanted to post the follow on information.