January 10, 2010

The crAAKKer Effect & the Uber-Cooler

Since I have been home alone on puppy duty this weekend, I have no new poker tales to pass along. However, this is a good opportunity to break into the cellar full of canned poker stories to illustrate what I will refer to as "the crAAKKer effect". Essentially, the crAAKKer effect means that my presence at the table twists the laws of probability so that not only are my chances of cracking AA & KK exponentially increased, but the odds of any player having those hands cracked also dramatically increase.* To say that I've seen more truly bizarre crackings of AA & KK than your average non-Euro donk is an understatement. But, I'll let you be the judge. Shake up a martini and ponder this tale of woe:

It was winter about 4-5 years ago. I was playing 1/2 NLHE at the local casino—Prairie Meadows Racetrack, Casino, & ATM in the greater Des Moines, Iowa area (to the extent Des Moines has a "greater" area, the poker room is it). A seat opens on my table. The open seat happens to be the 3 seat (end of the table), and is right next to the cage. New guy walks over, puts his rack of $300 in red down, posts, and starts to take off his coat. Local maniac raises to $15. New guy (still standing) looks at his cards and raises to $60. Folds back to maniac who pushes all-in, new guy snap calls. New guy shows AA, maniac has KK ... and a K flops. crAAKKed!

But wait! There's more! Oh ye of little faith ... New guy takes two steps to the cage to rebuy for $300 while being dealt in. New guy is waiting for his chips, looks at his cards, raises to $20. Folds to same maniac from prior hand, who reraises. New guy steps back from cage with his $300 rebuy, and pushes it all-in. Maniac snap calls. This time, new guy shows KK and maniac shows AA! Board runs out blanks, and new guy storms out of the room, down two buy-ins in two hands without ever even sitting down at the table! crAAKKed!

So, anyone still doubting the crAAKKer Effect? Care to play AA or KK at my table? Didn't think so ...

*For those of you familiar with the Robert Jordan Wheel of Time series of novels, you might say that I'm a poker ta'veren.


  1. But my AA held up against you in December, and you had CRUBS! How can you account for the anomaly?

  2. Obv he didn't have the whistle.

  3. I'm thinking of playing nothing but the Hammer, the Grump and Taters against you the next time we meet.

  4. Rakewell, when BWoP is at the table, her crubs power can create interference with my AA cracking power. I really needed the deuce-four to neutralize the crubs. It's a quantum mechanics thing.

    Katkin, so you're planning to play your standard game against me, eh?