January 08, 2010

The Ironman Planneth

Plans for IMOP-V are quickly setting up like lime Jello around mixed fruit. For those of you not in the know, the Ironman of Poker (IMOP) is an annual early March outing for a group of Iowa degenerates who enjoy hitting Vegas for an extended weekend of poker, drinking, sports-investing, and general degeneracy. This will be the 5th annual outing, and will have as its theme something derivative of The Hangover. Most of the regular events are certain to return, including the ugly jacket dinner, tilting Euro D-Bags, and outlandish prop bets. You can read about last year’s adventures—including the infamous Meat Tank—in the official trip reports, posted as always on All Vegas Poker (IMOP-IV Part I; Part 2).

The big twist this year is the addition of a team competition, made possible by five, count ‘em, five newbies/pledges who were so enthralled by the IMOP trip reports, they just couldn’t possibly live without joining in the hijinks this year. The teams will be captained by the only three living IMOP champions—Santa Claus (IMOP cruise director and reigning IMOP champ), Lucky (our token leprechaun and inaugural IMOP champ), and yours truly (the only two-time and back2back champion). The captains drafted their teams at Santa’s New Years’ poker game:

Team Cowbell
Barbie—Cash game degenerate, perpetrator of the Meat Tank
Sahara—Tournament assassin, vampire, “White Doug”
Pledge “Jim”—2/4 LHE poker-drinker and sports investor

Team Tyson’s TigersCaptain—Santa Claus
Pledge “Yaks”—Designated rookie nit
Pledge “River Joe”—Tournament specialist and suckout artist
Pledge “ATC”—Designated Scandinavian degenerate

Team Floories
Bonnie—Designated drinker and Lucky’s bodyguard
DIA—Team nit and Bonnie’s keeper
Pledge “Colt”—Hopefully recovered from football injury by March

In years past, wacky hijinks have included:

* Tilting Scandis & Mother-F’n Ukrainians
* Being tackled at the poker table by a drunk Brit
* The “Meat Tank”
* Finger rapes at the Fashion Mall
* Bonnie losing a battle to the sheets
* Tilting of Uber-D-Bag “Sherminator”
* Water being thrown in crotches

Once again, our adventures will be based out of the Venetian, but may extend any distance an Ironman is able to drunkenly stumble. Santa is expected to release the official list of sanctioned events and prop bets in the near future, so watch this space for more details as the magical date* approaches!

* IMOP-V officially runs Thursday, March 4 through Monday, March 8, but yours truly and a couple of other degenerates will enjoy a preseason outing on Wednesday, March 3.

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